


[Oldfic] Drunken Antics

by TheFanficMaster



Series: Old fanfics [4]
Category: Pandora Hearts
Genre: Comedy, Family Guy Parody, M/M, slightly OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 04:56:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8043382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFanficMaster/pseuds/TheFanficMaster
Summary: [Oldfic] Reim Lunettes didn't get drunk often, but when he did, he was hilarious. Xerxes Break is the unfortunate victim this time.





	[Oldfic] Drunken Antics

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This is ooc. It's an old fanfic I wrote years ago. I hate it, but I don't get rid of any of my fanfics. Hope you can enjoy it for the crackfic it is.

Xerxes Break was not overly bitter that he was unable to get drunk. Bring drunk was an inconvenience for the most part, mainly because more often than not you end up making a complete fool out of yourself without realizing it, only to regret it in the morning.

However, he couldn't help but wish that he could sometimes, more so to feel that sense of numbness, to forget everything for a few hours. It was a bit of a weakness he had, he supposed.

His 'friends', however, made him realize how lucky he was.

"You should loosen up, Xerxes. Have another drink?" Oscar offered, handing him a glass already full of a dark, red liquid he presumed to be whine. A very strong wine. A wine that had everyone within the vicinity (including Oz this time, how surprising) falling over themselves.

"Of course!" He plastered on his best goofy grin and took the drink from the drunken blond, sipping it carefully as he eyed everyone in the room from a distance. Alice and Oz were located at the food table as the chain fumbled with her hands attempting to devour the entire cake while Oz was doing his best to placate her without falling over the table. The sight was interesting, but not particularly intriguing.

Gilbert, on the other hand, was quite the hilarious sight indeed. Xerxes held back a chuckle as he observed the raven-haired man stumble across the room, half-coherently yelling at Alice and Oz for eating the cake. Even as Break watched, Gilbert stumbled and tripped over the table, sending forks, knives, plates, and cake tumbling to the floor. Oscar immediately headed over to clean it up and help his friends and nephew, not being drunk enough that he couldn't recognize a potentially bad situation.

Having lost interest, his eye strayed to where Lady Sharon was draped over the couch, seemingly having lost consciousness. This wasn't all too surprising, considering she _was_ stuck in a young girl's body and therefore couldn't handle alcohol very well at all. He would have to carry her back to her room later, but his attention was abruptly stolen by the hit of his night.

"X-Xerxes where…where is the cake…"

"On the floor, Liam. Unless you want to contract some kind of disease, I suggest you stay away from it," Xerxes chuckled as his best friend stumbled over to him, nearly tripping over himself. Xerxes grinned a bit too wide, still trying to keep the façade up that he was drunk. Oz, of course, knew he was bluffing, but the albino doubted the boy could form coherent thoughts at this point, let alone blurt his secret to everyone.

"Xerx, I feel funny…"

"Me too, Liam. Maybe we've had a bit too much to drink?" Xerxes commented, lying through his teeth, of course. He didn't feel anything, not even a slight buzz. He would probably have a stomach ache later if he drank much more, though. Perhaps it would be in his best interest to not have any more drinks.

Liam mumbled an attempt at an agreement and Xerxes turned his stare onto him, his eye roaming across his obviously flushed face to his eyes, which were clearly too bright. "Liam, would you like me to take you back to your room?"

Liam flushed even more at this and stuttered words the albino couldn't understand, obviously having assumed that he meant something crude by the offer. Xerxes sighed, relieved that nobody had heard him talking—their relationship was a secret, after all.

"Come along, Liam. I'll put you to bed and then come back for Milady," Before he could take a step, however, Gilbert was in front of him, eyes completely unfocused and face flushed almost beyond recognition.

"Break!"

"What is it, Gilbert? Are you done playing with the table?" Xerxes chuckled, only stopping when the man started tugging on his sleeve, trying to drag him over to the table. "What on Earth are you doing?"

"You can't leave! You're g-going to have f-fun like everyone else!"

"Stumbling around like a bunch of buffoons is hardly my idea of fun, Gilbert." He tried to pull away, but Gilbert was being stubborn. When he was about to shove the younger man in an effort to get away, Liam suddenly barreled into his side, shoving Gilbert off him harshly.

"Liam, what are you—"

"Don't touch him!" Liam shouted, catching the attention of everyone at the party. Gilbert stumbled backward a few steps, nearly falling on his ass, but then managed to right himself.

"L-Liam—"

"Don't touch him!" Liam shouted again, latching onto Xerxes's side firmly, glaring at Gilbert through his glasses. "Xerx is mine!"

The silence was deafening.

It was only broken when Oscar burst into hysterical laughter.

Xerxes, for the first time in a long while, found his cheeks turning a delicate shade of crimson. "Liam, you've had far too much to drink. I'm taking you to your room—"

"No, I don't want to go to my room! I won't let him have you!"

"Liam, he is not trying to—"

"You're mine! I will not let anyone else touch you!" Xerxes was about to retort that it was _none of his business_ and _he could take care of himself just fine_ when he suddenly felt a hand groping a very inappropriate area.

It was a complete contradiction to his façade, but he squeaked. Loudly.

"Liam! What are you doing?"

"This is mine! You hear me? Mine!"

By this time, Oscar was practically rolling around on the floor with laughter, being the only one sober enough to understand the situation. Xerxes felt his face grow hot with embarrassment and (a bit reluctantly) shoved Liam off him. After a long sigh, he grabbed Liam by the arm and led the stumbling man down the hallway to his room.

"Honestly…never letting you drink again."

"B-But Xerx!"

It was indeed nights like these that made Xerxes very glad he could not get drunk.


End file.
